I Need to Stop...

shooting myself in the foot. I now weigh 158#. it was a long week with way too much emotional eating that was out of control...

• My mother is hopefully going to be selling my childhood home and having an auction to sell her things there and permanently move to the city i live in. Stress, stress, stress. We tried this last summer and finally i said i would not participate in it any longer due to my mom's stress that was spilling out all over my siblings and myself and my niece's wedding. My siblings seconded the motion and the whole project was put on hold last summer. Of course we asked her to set a date for this summer and plan the sale over the winter. That didn't happen, so now it is "emergency mode" again in trying to fit one more thing into a full summer instead of planning the summer around the sale like we had asked. i'm game to help out and give it a whirl, but if we end up at "same song second verse" of last summer i'm not going to be part of the choir singing the third verse! Of course through all of this i ate and ate and ate. i even remember thinking at one point, "You know, mom doesn't even care about this a bit. This chocolate isn't changing her life at all and i'm going to have heart burn and tight pants over it." But i ate it anyway.... growl!
• Had a colonoscopy yesterday. it turned out fine. Always a little stressful for me. Both my Dad and my Grandpa on my Dad's side died of colon cancer.
• The pastor of our church blindsided me by inviting someone to join a task force our parish council is setting up that is inappropriate to be on the task force because of a conflict of interest. Of course he didn't let me know she would be coming to the meeting. i found out when she walked in the door. Argh!
• Been worried about my son in Bolivia. When i was there, he said some really illogical things. Don't know if he's used to living in a culture where men can throw their weight around with few consequences or if there is something else emotionally going on.
• Have been grieving the death of a little boy i met when i was in Bolivia in '02. He had epilepsy and was blind. He died four years ago because they couldn't get his seizures under control. i saw his grave when i was there, had dinner with his parents, and met his 4 year old little sister. i can't help but think that Luis would be alive and playing with Kate if he had lived in the United States. The injustice makes me cry and seeing his little grave made it, oh, so very real.
• So... last week i threw all kinds of things down my throat with no consideration for the rest of my body. My stress didn't decrease at all after the eating/bingeing. I think i need a different coping mechanism that is at least a little helpful. Craziness!
• The good news is that i didn't shoot up past the 160 mark again and that i did exercise last week and that yesterday i had three meals and a planned afternoon snack and i spent 30 minutes on the treadmill this morning.

Thanks for listening to the rant. i think i'm done now and ready to move forward. The issues will be ongoing... parish council meeting tonite... so i will have plenty of practice/opportunity to come up with a different coping mechanism. Any good ideas?????